A Measure of Me
by narrizan
Summary: Komui calls Lavi into his office for a chat. Part 31 of the 49 Days series on AO3.


A Measure of Me

Notes: Usual disclaimers apply, not for profit, but for fun.

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"The Black Order's chapel is buried in coffins," there is a telltale tremor in Komui's voice, but it does not break with the despair. There are further details, Lavi files away in mind, for his records. It makes his journey with Krory all the more urgent. They need to catch up post-haste to Allen and Lenalee, lest they become targets too.

Lavi worries for Yuu, dealing with Daisya's loss, but he also worries for Lenalee because she will feel every loss keenly. For a moment he's back there on the day they arrived. The day, he saw her her for the first time. The day he saw her tears for the first time. It had touched him in a space that does not exist.

..

..

Lavi knocks on the door. (Reever Wenham approached him in the cafeteria at lunch informing him Komui Lee would like to speak with him, but had given him no clues as to what it might be about. Lavi surmises that Reever does not know either.)

"Come in," Komui calls out, and Lavi enters the room. The Supervisor gestures at a chair inviting him to sit. "I just want a quick word. You know make sure you and Bookman have settled in fine."

They have only been here for four weeks. Lavi is still finding his way around the place - not in the physical sense. THAT had only taken him two days. Everywhere he is allowed access to, he means. There are still places at the Order, rooms within it and quarters - that he can only guess at the purpose of and to whom those other quarters belong to.

"Ah, I'm fine, I'm still learning my way around."

"How about your Hammer, how are you adapting to it?"

"It's been… okay so far. I practice with it when I can, the others are helping me quite a bit," Lavi hates being under scrutiny. He can even appreciate the irony, because usually he is the one to direct scrutiny and an analytical eye over everything.

A man of science is not too far from being a Bookman. They look at things from every angle, they analyse every detail, they apply what they know and try to see things in a new light. The difference is that Komui's heart is as big as his sister's and he works to ensure that every sacrifice means something. Every sacrifice makes a difference. Even if that difference is minute, Komui will see it because that is how he keeps going. So yes under that gaze, Lavi is uncomfortable because, he wonders what Komui is seeing. How does Lavi stack up in the scheme of the Order (pun fully intended) of things.

The fact that Komui's heart is as big as Lenalee's does not deter him from the hard and tough decisions every day, all the time because he has to. He has to be tough in front of others. Junior can understand this.

So they sit across from each other. Komui's eyes are guarded, and further still by the flash of reflected light against his glasses. Lavi knows it's a trick that people who wear glasses learn to do. Just like he's learned about the various ways a mask can take form. This is just one of the ways.

They are not too different from opponents in a ring, sizing each other up. Lavi here is part Lavi (and a lot Bookman) He is focused, composed and takes in everything with a critical eye. Komui is no fool, and he knows what Bookman are and there is no point being other than what he is.

With that realization, the tenseness leaves Bookman Junior somewhat. He waits for Komui to speak further and realises that this is the first time that they have a chance to speak to each other without Bookman. Junior wonders if it is by design, if it is, whose? Bookman's? If it is he will want to know everything. Or if it is the Branch Supervisor's choosing?

"We've not had a chance to talk have we?"

"Uh no, not really."

"Is it hard to be a Bookman-in-training?" Well he certainly does not beat about the bush

"Ask me when I'm Bookman and I should have an answer for you by then." Neither does Junior. "You know how old Gramps is, so I have a long ways yet."

"Your master tells me you're exceptionally intelligent." Now that makes him raise his eyebrows. Bookman is sparse with praise. It is meant to keep him alert and not fall into complacency.

"Aha-haha! He's quite the strict master isn't he?" Komui's laugh is almost like a sentence. "He's actually no different to some of our Generals."

"I called to speak with you, just so we can be clear on some things." Komui breathes in, uncertain as to how to proceed. It feels odd for him to speak to someone with the face of youngling and take him as an equal. Because on all counts the young man in front of him definitely is no child, does not have the eyes - corrects himself - eye of a child. Nor the mien or demeanour of a child. He smiles wryly, come to think of it, not one of the children they have are … children. Not Kanda, not his sister, not Daisya. He sighs and suddenly feels far older than his years.

"Yes, it is a war, we are all older than we are. It happens." Junior points out. We are not who we seem, he does not add.

"Well then, first of all I hope the quarters you share with Bookman are fine." He smiles properly this time, "you're quite welcome to ask for your own room of course."

"No - I'm fine, maybe later on, if we're still here," after all the Bookmen do not know how long this war will be and how long as yet they will stay. The old man had hinted that this will be a long assignment though what that means remains to be seen.

"So you'll train. We'll send you on missions. You can make your observations, record and write your histories." - "We thank you for volunteering to be Innocence wielders, and while you might not see it as your primary function. We - I - hope that you will still carry out your duties as an Exorcist to the best of your ability."

"I am sure I will manage." He has not found anything that he cannot do yet.

..

Lavi wonders what Junior would say to him now. Junior does find something he is not quite managing. Being an Exorcist is not difficult, and training, going out on missions - using his Innocence is an exhilaration he never thought he would find. He is keeping up with his records, his observations as sharp as ever. Bookman does not go easy on continuing with the Bookman training - if anything it seems he is pushing his apprentice harder. Maybe it is because the elder is sensing that one thing that Junior is not quite managing.

That is he is not quite managing to keep his distance. Lavi needs to be honest with himself that it takes no effort to reciprocate the care that Lenalee accepts him as one of the family, the friendship - later on when he meets them - that he extends to both Allen and Krory. They return unreservedly, both so different but the bonds of friendship from both, he considers equal in strength. Not to forget his connection with Yuu. The friendship he can see growing with that new Exorcist, Miranda. And if the pattern continues, there will be many more.

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That distance he tries hard to keep. The connections he is finding hard not to make. The closeness that keeps encroaching. The smiles that are becoming more real than he cares to admit. The care he cannot help but feel for his friends, for his comrades. So right now, he just wants to be by the side of Allen and Lenalee so he can provide them what comfort he can. He can allay their fears as Lavi the Exorcist can.

..

FIN

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Notes: This is for posting date 30 Aug. If it was your birthday then, Happy Birthday, belatedly! ^_^

Again as with most of my pieces, not a lot happens, mainly conversation. Just two people trying to get the measure of the other.

As with all my pieces, thank you for coming by to read, much love - Zan ^_^

2017 - edit - After re-reading this, I find, that I'm not happy with it, I'm thinking on it how to fix this but for now it remains.

Part 31 of the 49 Days series


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